We live in a weird world that gets daily weirder. Every day, the headlines seem to bring some sordid new tale of pain, tragedy or woe. Lone gunmen, ideological terrorists and malevolent state actors seem to get up every single day and devote themselves to making everything suck. In the face of such pervasive chaos, some really smart people have been contriving vehicles and gear to insulate us from such wretched stuff as this. Right at the head of this pack is Rezvani Motors.
This is a company that cut its teeth on supercars. The Rezvani Beast and Beast Alpha are the stuff of which teenage dreams are crafted. Sporting carbon-fiber chassis that look like they fell off the set of a science-fiction movie and road performance that is comparably breathtaking, just reading about these extraordinary street machines will reliably boost your testosterone. Rezvani’s recent foray into the tactical world, simply called the Tank, melds sexy supercar performance with armored-vehicle brawn; and now there’s an even better Military Edition.
Tan & Tactical
The original Rezvani Tank is an extreme off-road utility vehicle designed to overcome the very worst the natural world could offer. This off-road monster could pass for a conventional SUV in dim light yet offers such stuff as a 6.4-liter, 500-horsepower V8 engine; a top-of-the-line FOX suspension system; high-performance brakes; and power-actuated, rear-opening suicide doors.
On-demand 4×4 performance and high-intensity LED lighting help tame the wilderness, even in the dark. A heads-up display keeps the driver up to date on critical data while allowing him or her to simultaneously focus on the road. With all this as a basis, the good folks at Rezvani took the standard Tank and then weaponized it.
Rezvani Tank Military Edition
The Military Edition has all of that other stuff along with Level 7 ballistic armor, making it immune to high-velocity rifle rounds, along with underside explosive protection. The fuel tank, radiator and battery are all wrapped in Kevlar, too. The suspension system is reinforced, and Rezvani includes ram bumpers as well as run-flat, military-grade tires.
In addition to all that awesome stuff, the Military Edition offers amenities that are too cool for the Batmobile. For example, the door handles are electrified, and the vehicle can be had with a siren and an ear-piercing horn. Strobe lights as well as high-intensity blinding lights help keep the riffraff away without causing any lasting harm.
Magnetic deadbolts seal you in for those times when life gets extra sucky. Also, a powerful PA system lets you taunt the bad guys from a distance without opening the windows. The suspension is user-adjustable for ambient conditions, and gas masks, first-aid gear and a hypothermia kit all come standard.
If that weren’t enough, you can order the truck with an optional 6.2-liter 707 Supercharged Hellcat V8 engine, choose from 10 different leather seat designs, and opt for a push-button smoke screen that deploys instantly to deter pursuers. I mean, why not? Finally, both low-light night-vision and thermal FLIR systems allow you to detect threats in complete darkness.
Looks & Performance
Aside from just looking freaking awesome, the Military Edition Tank offers well-heeled civilians the security features previously available only to heads of state. If faced with civil unrest, natural disasters or terrorist attacks, all one would need to do is get the family to the Rezvani Tank and the fight is all but won. For a family of means, such a ride really does bring unprecedented peace of mind.
Unlike a great many tricked-out security vehicles, the Military Edition Tank really would be at home picking up kids from school or taking the family out to the movies. Anonymity can be a powerful tactical tool in a crisis, and the Military Edition Tank looks just normal enough not to arouse undue suspicion in traffic. As a high-end bugout vehicle, the Military Edition Tank is quite literally perfect. Which brings me to a war story of mine.
On Aug. 29, 2005, Katrina made landfall on the coasts of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida as a Category 3 hurricane. When the chaos subsided, the storm had claimed more than 1,500 lives and resulted in $125 billion in damage. Gulfport, Mississippi, actually absorbed the brunt of the storm, but it was New Orleans that all but died. There were more than 50 breaches in the New Orleans surge protection system that resulted in flooding over more than 80 percent of the city. The floodwaters lingered for weeks afterwards. If ever there was a natural disaster to flee from, this was it.
Getting Out of New Orleans in a Rezvani Tank
I have a relative who lived in a rather upscale neighborhood in New Orleans. She, like so many others, failed to comprehend the breathtaking scope of the violence that was coming and hesitated. Once Hurricane Katrina struck, nobody was going anywhere.
Katrina moved on in fairly short order, but it was the aftermath that got so ugly. Civil order broke down, looting was commonplace and 911 gave you nothing more than a recording. Dead bodies were left unattended on the sidewalk. My kin made it out just as a mob came marauding down the street.
Our family is all otherwise east of the Mississippi River, but the devastation left by the storm extended well beyond the coastal areas. She had to drive into Texas and then up and around the carnage to get across the river and ultimately reach sanctuary. Had the Lord not smiled upon her at a critical time, she could have easily ended up as somebody’s dinner.
We are none of us more than a headline away from such. The civilization within which we cocoon ourselves is a thin veneer at best. Disaster tends to bring out the worst in people, and luck favors the prepared. A Rezvani Military Edition Tank outfitted with extra fuel, water, shelf-stable food and a little well-chosen ordnance can transform a tragedy into a memorable family outing.
The Rezvani Tank Military Edition looks like a Ferrari had a baby with a Star Destroyer. To the uninitiated, the thing bears a very esoteric resemblance to a Toyota FJ Cruiser. However, the rear-opening doors, night-vision systems, ballistic protection, and capacity to both blind and electrocute evildoers all from the comfort of a world-class luxury interior appeals on a certain visceral level. It is one thing to feel secure from carjacking based upon a built-in array of proven defensive systems; however, it’s quite another to run enough volts through a carjacker to make him convulse and wet himself on the street corner.
Of course, the Military Edition Tank is certainly not for everyone. With a base price of $295,000, be assured gun writing does not pay well enough for me to buy one. However, $295,000 is not what it once was. I’m a normal guy, and I’ve met people who could spend $295,000 on a high-performance luxury vehicle. One of those enormous RVs that is big enough to sport its own zip code will set you back that kind of coin. But with the Military Edition Tank, you get luxury, performance and striking good looks along with the capacity to shrug off IEDs.
While I can certainly see the Military Edition Tank rolling across some Arabian desert carrying an oil magnate to a secret meeting, you could also undoubtedly win some cool points with the kids if you popped those suicide doors out in front of the local middle school. The Military Edition Tank will likely not cure male-pattern baldness. It also won’t make you lose weight without exercise. However, it sure as heck might make you stop caring about stuff like that quite so much. I am living proof that a bubbly personality and a nice ride can help even an aesthetically impaired guy like me land a hot girl. I’m seldom mistaken for handsome, but I did roll in a sharp set of wheels back when it counted.
Check your finances, make a realistic threat assessment and, if you dare, consult with your kids. If you need a bulletproof off-road supercar that is legitimately better equipped than the Batmobile, Rezvani Motors has your next ride. Bold, tough, sexy and cool, the Military Edition Tank is what the Caped Crusader would be rocking if he was real. For more information, visit RezvaniMotors.com.
This article is from the winter 2019 issue of Ballistic Magazine. Grab physical and digital copies at OutdoorGroupStore.com.