When most of us hear the word “Voodoo,” our minds immediately picture an old Haitian witch sewing together a burlap doll in an incense-filled hut down in the bayous of Louisiana. Well, that stereotype is pretty much spot on … so, good job. Before we can get to how to build a voodoo doll, a quick history lesson.
The word Voodoo means “spirit of God.” It is said that Voodoo began in ancient Africa, and there are three main types still practiced today: West African, Louisianan and Haitian Voodoo. More than 50 million people worldwide practice Voodoo, and part of their belief system entails connecting with “Loas,” special spirits that interact with mortals. If you believe in Voodoo, you believe that Loas affect aspects of your day-to-day life that include money, happiness, love and revenge.
How to Build a Voodoo Doll
Voodoo dolls can be used for many purposes, most of which are good. Of course, a doll can also be made for evil by the person who created it. Official Voodoo priests and priestesses see themselves as servants of the spirits. They don’t tell the spirits to do anything; they provide offerings and honor, and then they ask. One of the most important reasons for summoning spirits is to ask for aid in healing the sick and injured. You can also ask them to heal a broken heart or change a person’s luck. Or, in our case, you can build a Voodoo doll to screw with our intern.
Step 1: Get Crafty
We are creating our Voodoo doll to address the spirit of a particular person. You can do the same. Sticks, yarn or fabric can be used for such a project. For our Voodoo doll, we have chosen a felt fabric square, some thick thread, batting and some buttons from a big-box store. It is important to pin a special token of the person to it (such as their hair, a picture of them or a piece of their clothing), all in the hope of talking directly to their spirit through the doll.
Step 2: Clean It Up
Remember, everyone who came into contact with our fabric in the store will have a connection to the doll. In an effort not to confuse the spirits, it is important that we “clear” the Voodoo doll of all previous energy before using it. Since, if you are reading this article, you are most likely not a Voodoo practitioner and could possibly kill someone if you were to screw this up doing it yourself, maybe just place your doll outside for a few hours to let the sun cleanse it. You can also bury your doll to allow the earth to transform the energy, but you might set off some red flags when your neighbor sees you digging it up afterward.
Step 3: Keep Your Eye On The Prize
Again, the goal here is to summon spirits (the Loas) to help you. It is suggested that you create an altar for your doll, offer a sacrifice and then light a candle to the spirits. There is no need to slaughter a goat here. A small, store-bought snack or a cheeseburger will do just fine. Hold your doll and focus on your mission. (If you have the attention span of a fly, this isn’t going to work.)
Step 4: Color-Coded Conjuring
You are now focused. You have shown respect to the spirits, and are ready to get down to business with your push pins.
There are seven colors that symbolize different things in Voodoo. Yellow represents success and confidence. Green represents money and growth. White is for healing and positivity. Red symbolizes power and love. Purple is for spirituality and wisdom. Blue equals love and peace, and black is for repelling negative energy or summoning it.
The head of your doll also represents knowledge, the heart is for emotion, and the stomach is intuition. Example, to make the hot chick at Target fall in love with you, use a pin in the doll’s heart. If you want her to get a promotion at work, you would use a yellow pin in her head and so forth. (There you go―she’s hot, and now she’s in love with you and rich! You are welcome.)
Paging Dr. Evil
Finally, let’s move on to the B-movie stuff … if you are ready to invoke intense physical pain and misfortune upon an enemy (or, as in our case, you just want to mess with people around the office), it is time to go full-on SERE school on that tiny doll of doom. You can use regular pins, wire, water or rope to torture it.
That said, now would be a good time to remind you that using a Voodoo doll for revenge or inflicting pain (for fun or otherwise) is not smart. Know that focusing spiritual energy for evil can result in your own bad luck. Remember, karma knows everything about you just as much as Amazon, Apple and Google do. What goes around ALWAYS comes back around, so practice wisely, houngans and mambos …
Bonus tip: If the person you have created the Voodoo doll for is talking shit about you, place a gag over the doll’s mouth. If he is being a really hot-headed asshole, place the doll in the freezer to help him to “chill out.” (Think of it as putting your nemesis symbolically “on ice.”)