There’s an old adage that says, “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” We at SKILLSET believe in that level of commitment to alcohol. After decades of research on your behalf, we have compiled our best day drinking tips to help you survive your next tailgate, pub-crawl or visit with the in-laws.
Many a frat boy has considered himself to be professional imbiber, but we’re here to tell you that you ain’t got nothing on the veteran pros if you don’t have a plan. There is nothing worse than bragging that you can drink anyone under the table and then passing out by 10 a.m. while the old-schoolers cast a knowing glance at your drunken body and order up another round.
Listen, we’re not lawyers, but let’s just say that we’ve been in our share of questionable situations and have come out of them with some lessons learned. Before you set out with the mission of firebombing your liver with cocktails, there are a couple of unwritten rules that you MUST abide by.
Day Drinking Rules
- Put the keys away. No matter what, you’re not getting behind the wheel. Have someone else drive, or just stay put.
- No weapons of any sort. Even the most well-mannered folks can find themselves in bad situations, but being drunk with a weapon only makes bad decisions and trips to jail happen faster. For real, lock all weapons up, enjoy yourself and thank us later. If it ever comes down to it, your fists will do just fine. Plus, you’ll be able to show off your white belt in BJJ.
- Have a buddy rescue plan. Tell someone responsible that you may wind up needing a minor babysitter. If they’re not physically with you, have them check in throughout the day and keep a pulse on your shenanigans. That way, if you need to pull the ripcord, they’ll hook you up with a safe ride home (or bail money).
- Write some rules and make them your phone wallpaper. Some of our favorites: “Don’t text her. She doesn’t like you”; “Uber is there to help. They’ll get you home. Don’t be rude. Tip well”; and “Before you go home with her, get a second opinion.” You get the idea.
Now that the prep-work is done, let’s rock.
Day Drinking Tip No. 1: Pick Your Poison
Our guess is that the earliest known instance of the mantra “Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, in the clear” was first written on a cave wall, surely scrawled there by a crotchety old Pleistocene male after mixing his fermented sabre-tooth tiger urine liqueur with his local craft cave-brew. So, here’s your first tip: Choose one thing and stick with it all day. If it’s a case of Natty Lights, so be it. A handle of Jack Daniels? Well, Mr. Jim Morrison Impersonator, you have quite the road ahead of you, and while we strongly advise against your chosen path, we don’t judge. You do you. Just remember, once you start slamming shots of Jager with a Bud Light chaser, things fall apart quickly. Be a champion. Master your chosen liquid. (Stick to beer.)
Day Drinking Tip No. 2: Go One for One
This one is easier said than done. Have a glass of water in between drinks. Sure, you’ll be headed to the shrubs more often, but tomorrow-you will thank today-you, especially if tomorrow-morning-you needs to be sitting in a cube staring at TPS reports.
Day Drinking Tip No. 3: Beer Is Not Food/Food Is Not Beer
Just because you’re drinking doesn’t mean you forego the rest of your bodily needs. You’re going to need to eat, and you need to make sure it helps absorb the sheer volume of booze you’re dumping into your body. And today is NOT the day to worry about calories. At some point in the day, pull it together, order a pizza or find a burrito place and fill up the gut. At a tailgate? Pile that plate high with brats and burgers. It will help maintain your buzz for the rest of the day, and you can always work it off tomorrow.
Day Drinking Tip No. 4: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but it’s closing time somewhere else
Know when to call it a day. You’ve been at this for the past 12 hours, and there is really nothing more to gain. You won beer-pong, you went streaking through the quad, and now it’s time to really man-up and slowly re-enter the sobersphere. First, place a gallon of water on the nightstand for those times in the middle of the night when you wake up parched and also for in the morning when you need to rehydrate. Then, before you climb into bed, go to the kitchen and down a Gatorade. When you open the fridge, we know you will see that beer hiding in the back. Leave it there and have an extra glass of water to dilute the Gatorade and add a little more hydration into your system. You’ve conquered the day, my friend. Way to go. And remember, don’t text her.
This article is from the Winter 2019 issue of Skillset Magazine. Pick up digital and physical copies at OudoorGroupStore.com.